Tonio K. - The Rake's Progress

Lyrics

(Tonio K.)

Gather 'round people gonna tell you a tale

'bout the time that the clocks all quit and the government failed
way 
back when the agents tracked all the postmen down

and they found all they needed to know in the second class mail

and then hauled off everyone 'cept for me and a couple of friends

they forgot in the nottingham jail

Now that jailer, he saw all the smoke in the air

and he wished he was there instead of inside watching our cell

so we said, "go do your share, we ain't goin' nowhere"

he agreed, grabbed his gun with a smile and then wished us all well

before he got to his car, we had but through the bars 

snuck outside and sat back just to watch till the curtain fell

The first thing i noticed when we hit the street was the seventh fleet

they were cruisin' the center of town

no one seemed real clear about who had sent them there

but they sure looked grand with the band, the balloons and the clowns

and they played "anchors away" for the rest of the day

'cept the times that they'd lower their guns and shoot some renegade down

Yes and john the baptist and uncle sam

they were carryin' the plans for some new kind of object of faith

when this renegade band with their guns in their hands 

stopped them both and demanded a look in the top secret case

but just in the nick of time they were stricken blind

by a low flying plane with no name and no number to trace

But just the same john lost his head and he said he was going to run

but someone held him down and sam tied up his hands

he cried out to his boss but he couldn't get across 'cause the lines were all down

and the crowd cheered him on from the stands

but he finally did get away 
you can see him today
he sells silver plates and still waits for the boss to call back

And attila the hun and his austrian son 
left their hideout in rio
to fly out and relive the past

sam he showed 'em around when they got into town

but he warned 'em the rules of the game had been changed
since they'd played the game last

ol' attila just grinned and winked at his friend

I forget what went down after that, it all happened so fast

Yes it was lookin' real bad, any luck that we'd had

had been lost in the park after dark when the army arrived

they was sweeping the town chasing renegades down

there were no friends to found, there was no place at all left to hide

and the austrian son he was having some fun

he'd been put in command of all the camps and his prisoners all died

Meanwhile, way across town 
in the penthouse suite of the tallest building

the boss was asleep when he heard such a clatter

he sprang from his bed just to see what was the matter

he looked down on the street and that scene filled his eyes

but you know he wasn't even surprised

He just got on the phone and he ordered thunder

some lightning and disk blades (to plow it all under)

someone asked why; with a sigh he explained

that the fools were up doing it again

Meanwhile, back on the street:
This clown in a gown and fur hat with tattoos on his shoulders 
comes over
and whispers, "it's gonna be all right"

he says he's a personal friend of the boss 

and then asks if we've got any sheep he can sacrifice later that night

we said "no" he said "oh" and then wandered off

chanting some strange sounding language and waving his wand at the sky

Sam and attila were gettin' their fill of the action and danger

they'd burned every manger in town

and ol' john's eyes were hazy; he must have gone crazy

he was runnin' around tryin' to drown everybody he found

yes and the austrian son was still having his fun

launching v-2s at anything moving or making a sound

Bright and early next morning without any warning

the sky opened up and the boss stuck his head through the clouds

the army and navy they opened up fire

but he grabbed him some lightning and laid them all under the ground

sam jumped up to salute; the boss said "that's real cute,

but it's a little bit late 'cause i've seen what's been going down"

Sam said "you've got it all wrong; it's them that you want and not me 

can't you see that that's attila and the austrian kid?"

the boss said "yes, that's true, but i also want you

do you think that i'm blind? did you think you could keep yourself hid?"
just then the clown in the gown hit the ground and started kissing His feet

but he stepped on his tongue and said "who is this kid?"

©1978 Worthless Music (ASCAP)