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Lyrics

THE FUNKY WESTERN CIVILIZATION, PHASE II
(Tonio K.)

let’s not twist again like we did last summer
let’s do something else; let’s have some real fun
let us continue to exploit and abuse one another
it’s time to do
phase two of the funky western civilization

politely kill the person on your right
kill the person to your left
kill everybody in sight
promenade and kill yourself

all of those babies died just as i suspected
it’s an election year; it’s time to buy another gun (bang bang)
i don’t know who’s drivin’ now, and i ain’t interested
it’s true, honey, it’s all true
there’s nothing you can do
except the funky western civilization

you gently kill the person on your right
kill the person to your left
kill everybody in sight
do-si-do and kill yourself

get down
get funky
get up
be quiet
behave
beehive
or if she could

joan of arc joan of arc joan of arc joan of arc if she could
would have said
something like this, she’d say:

you can bullshit the baker
and you can get the buns
you can back out of every deal except one

if you’ll just kill the person on your right
kill those people on your left
kill everybody in sight
levitate and kill yourself

kill the person on your right
kill those turkeys on your left
chances are they will not mind
do-si-do and kill yourself

©Worthless Music (ASCAP)

BABY DON’T DO IT
(Tonio K.)

baby don’t leave me here alone
baby don’t do it

baby don’t love me any more
baby she shoved me out the door
she won’t let me look or touch
she said "hey, don’t push your luck
treat me nice or don’t come back"
and i sure hate to hear her talk like that
and i said baby

baby don’t leave me here alone
baby don’t do it
maybe i’m hallucinating, i don’t know
but baby don’t do it
cause i don’t like the look of things out there
you don’t even notice, you just don’t care
baby don’t do it
baby don’t go

here’s the problem:
i don’t have a good thing to say
but i still say it anyway
i talk about thermal dayglo poisoning
that pesky russky death machine
starvation and the fate of the sinner
then i take her out to dinner
what’s the matter baby, ain’t you hungry?

wait a minute
she don’t have to put me out
i think that we could work it out (yes i do)
if she don’t like this kick i’m on
then why don’t she just prove me wrong?
oh baby

baby don’t you do it
baby don’t do it

©Worthless Music (ASCAP)

I’LL WAIT HERE
(Tonio K.)

now i’m the guy that said whenever possible
just to change your name and number
and wear dark glasses
and i’m always right except sometimes i’m wrong, you know
now i may have failed the movie school
of dealin’ with disaster
i almost let a ray of hope get by

but you go ahead
i’ll wait here
you got your sweet young life to live
i live on fear
you go ahead
i’ll wait here
but don’t you let them change your mind
and don’t forget to watch the time
i’ll be right here

fortunately i remember everything
except of course the good times
i forget them fast
and you never see the darkness i see
luckily
you notice it’s not good but never just how bad
so i’ll shut up and hope that you don’t ask

you go ahead
i’ll wait here
you got your sweet young life to live
i live on fear
you go ahead
i’ll wait here
but don’t you let them change your mind
and don’t forget to watch the time
i’ll be right here

(repeat chorus)

©Worthless Music (ASCAP)

DON’T TALK TO ME
(Tonio K.)

when your lover leaves you standin’ in the doorway
and your mother and your father pull the shades
and the neighbors they don’t wanna know about you
and you realize you never had it made
when you’re sittin’ on the other side of the table
with your bleedin’ broken heart out on your sleeve
when you’ve sold it all just to try and make the payments
on this ten-cent life you just can’t seem to leave

don’t talk to me
don’t talk
i don’t wanna hear about it
don’t tell me how you’re gonna change
i doubt it

when the only kind of time that’s left is nighttime
’cause the daylight just can’t make it through no more
and unknown persons roam the streets by torchlight
public safety unit knockin’ at your door
when the god of heaven threatens with the judgment
and the gods in washington hand you a gun
when you wanna buy a passport and just disappear into the heat of the night
only there ain’t no place far enough to run

don’t talk to me
don’t talk
i don’t wanna hear about it
don’t tell me how it’s gonna change
i doubt it (don’t talk to me)

don’t talk to me
don’t talk
i don’t wanna hear about it
don’t tell me how it’s gonna change (ha)
i doubt it

©Worthless Music (ASCAP)

DOGGYTOWN
(Tonio K.)

i don’t love you and you don’t love me
but this is not a problem
’cause you don’t love nobody but yourself
and i don’t love no one

so we go round and round
we go up and down
we go to doggytown
for a little while

if only you were just a little bit cooler
(you get so excited)
if only i was even cooler than you
i’d get us out of this crisis

instead we go round and round
we go bow wow wow
it’s just like doggytown around here
for a little while

you do the bark and honey, i’m gonna growl
we will be howlin’ at the silvery moon above
doggytown

you got this fever but I’m feelin’ so sacred
could it be an illusion?
look at that look you got all over your face
is it love is it pain or confusion?

instead you go to doggytown
you just go bow wow wow
you go up and down
for a little while

(snap, snarl, growl, or bark…)

©Worthless Music (ASCAP)

STORYTIME
(Tonio K.)

oh, it’s time to tell a truly stupid story
one that doesn’t matter
one so dumb no one could figure out what it’s about
no one will know, not even if they had to
i’m talkin’ about dumb
unusual, illogical, incredibly immature

so let’s say we have a little boy and girl
now let’s add a puppy
suddenly right out of nowhere comes a
puppy-eating grody glob of boron seeking vengeance or something
ridiculous, it’s impossible, unscientific
in a word, it’s horse manure

does the glob eat the dog? no
do the boy and the girl run home? no
the dog and the glob hit it off, get a job with a circus
in a solar system not unlike our own
the boy and the girl get married sometime later
and they never even miss the little puppy
no they never really liked it
it was ugly
the end
it was a non-event
infinity is a lot like that
in fact, it’s mostly holes and negative space

(TK: For all these other little boys and girls, and dogs and worlds, and strontium-90: Always remember that Eastern religion rules. Shall we?
Nick: Certainly.
[howling and growling]
TK: Oh, you’re getting carried away.
Nick: Sorry.)

©Worthless Music (ASCAP)

LOS GRINGOS
(Tonio K.)

Yo no hablo español.
©Worthless Music (ASCAP)

PARTY ON THE B RING
(Tonio K.)

they do it in paris
and they do it in rome
they do it in public
they do it in the finest private homes
they do it on the lunar surface
and in orbit around some distant sun
on the rings of saturn
you just can't stop the people when they wanna have fun

there’s a party on the b ring
ride sally ride
there’s a party on the b ring
ride sally ride

now there’s a woman in college
and there's music in spades
and there’s a woman in orbit
women and music all over the place
and there’s a time for crying
and a time to laugh
and there’s a time for singing
and a time for love
and i’ve got to dance

party on the b ring
ride sally ride
there’s a party on the b ring
ride sally ride

never too loud
it’s never too late
and there’s never a crowd
’cause there’s plenty of space in space

party on the b ring
ride sally ride
there’s a party on the b ring
ride sally ride

yeah there's a party on the b ring
ride sally ride
there’s a party on the b ring
ride sally ride

©N.Y.M. (ASCAP)/Naked Prey Music (BMI), admin. by Polygram Pub.

YOU’RE NEVER TOO SMART
(Tonio K.)

(got a problem? get the answer man
got a problem? get the answer man
got a problem? get the answer man
got a …? get the)

you better watch out
and you better not cry
better watch your step
better learn your lines
put your hat on your head
put your hand on your heart
’cause you’re never too smart

gotta make the grade
gotta take the heat
gotta fake some interest
shake, shake your money maker
got the next door neighbors
and the national debt
got a million problems
solve ‘em with ink

but you better watch out
and you better not cry
better watch your step
better learn your lines
put your hat on your head
put your hand on your heart
’cause you’re never too smart

gotta name that tune
gotta solve for x
gotta get the picture
gotta pass the test
need imagination
nerves of steel
need a bright idea shinin’ out in the darkness

and you better watch out
and you better not cry
you better watch your step (watch your step)
you better learn your lines
now put your hat on your head
put your hand on your heart
’cause you’re never too smart

but wait a minute
shame on the workin’ man
shame on the poor
i guess they just haven’t been thinkin’
but we’ve taken the cure

watch out
and you better not cry
better watch your step
better learn your lines

you better watch out
and you better not cry
better watch your step
better learn those lines

(got a problem? get the answer man)

©N.Y.M. (ASCAP), admin. by Polygram Pub.

THE HUNTER
(Tonio K.)

he stalks the night in silence
he walks the streets by day and waits
he watches for the perfect moment
for the perfect hunt to take his aim
and he looks
from the corridors of power
to the crowded streets of the shantytown
from the shoppin’ malls to the fields of clover
from the dance halls to the amazon
from the inner room to the outer darkness
from the station to the end of the line
from the jungle to the gates of eden
from creation to the end of time

and the sun comes up and the sun goes down
and this lonely world of flame
keeps turnin’ slowly round and round and round and round and round
and the hunter is lookin’ for love

from california to the gulf stream waters
from the river jordan to the heart of darkness
from the empty quarter to the land down under
from the frozen north to the ecuador
from east of true east
to west of west
he is following a trail
he is trying to remember
he is following his heart
and he watches and waits and takes his aim

and the sun comes up and the sun goes down
and this lonely world of flame
keeps turnin’ slowly slowly round and round and round and round and round
and the hunter is lookin’ for love

©N.Y.M. (ASCAP)/Naked Prey Music (BMI), admin. by Polygram Pub.

EVERYTHING, INCLUDING YOU, DISGUSTS ME
(Tonio K. and Nick van Maarth)

now this ain’t gonna be your standard love song
but i’m calling it a love song just the same
and i really hope you like it
i want you to keep on smiling
i want everyone to join in all the reindeer game

yes i hope this is the one that gets you happy
cause i swear to you it’s coming from my heart
i wrote it for the poor man
i wrote it for the rich man too
it’s for everybody here
it’s how i felt right from the start
and the chorus goes:

everything, including you, disgusts me
i can hardly stand to open up my eyes upon the day
your history books astound me
but since you people obviously surround me
i hope you had a good time anyway

all you sweating grunting trash beyond my window
i’m telling you i love ya in my way
it’s just you’re vicious and you’re selfish
and you can’t see beyond your face
and the worst part is i’m just like you
that’s the part that i can’t take
so you can see why

everything, including you, disgusts me
i can hardly stand to open up my eyes upon the day
yeah, your history books astound me
but since you people obviously surround me
i guess i hope you had a good time anyway

you’ve probably guessed by now that
everything, including me, disgusts me
i can hardly stand to open up my eyes upon my face
yeah, the daily news astounds me
but since this nonsense obviously surrounds me
i‘m trying to have a good time anyway

(i hate you! why thank you, i hate me too!)

now it’s time to say goodnight
to all our company
m-i-c-k-e-y m-o-u-s-e

now it’s time to say goodnight
to all our company
m-i-c-k-e-y m-o-u-s-e
what’s that spell?
mickey mouse (albert fish)
mickey mouse (albert fish)
forever let us hold our banner high
hey there hi there ho there
you’re as welcome as can be

i’m talking about
m-i-c
see you real soon!
k-e-y
why not!
m-o-u-s-a
(a? a? why did he say a?)

©Worthless Music (ASCAP)